Resistance is useless.

The other day I took my inner child, the little Kev, out for a stroll.

I’d been reading (and agreeing) that ‘all is valid’, that all is ‘the path’, and that there’s nothing better or worse about anything we may think or feel. It’s all a matter of perspective.

But if I know this and don’t act upon it, then it remains just a pleasing theory.

And as it was I just happened to be feeling like shit. So off I went, into the night, to spend some time with Kev, with no agenda. To try and let him just feel whatever he was feeling. Without changing anything. Without analysing anything. Without judging or labelling anything. And without any shame, blame or regret.

Just listening.  Feeling.  Allowing.

We chatted about all sorts of things – about growing up – about school and preschool – about home – about family – about friends – about fear – about anxiety – and about all the feelings that have influenced me and, in part, still define me.

And as we kept on strolling the stories came up fluidly, and sometimes with surprising clarity.

I gave no advice, applied no measurement and tried strongly to just relax, and not wish anything to be anything other than that which it was.

And I allowed waves of sadness, fear, irritation, agitation, confusion, loneliness and more to arise and just be, be, be. Along with the more easily entertained feelings of love, peace and warmth. Because there really is nothing wrong with any of these feelings and, at their root level, not even any difference between them. They’re all just somatic colours, comfortable and uncomfortable, in the painting of our lives. And even those feelings of strong discomfort aren’t going to present any danger (however much they may scream to the contrary).

And (of course!) it let stuff move. And feelings flowed. Emotions arose. And things in me palpably shifted and changed. And some uncomfortable stuff eased in the process.

All the tricky bits just seemed, well, a lot less tricky to acknowledge. And I found a great deal of comfort in the process.

Funny old game.
By trying to not try and change stuff, stuff can change.
By allowing, listening and not judging, silent answers just appear.

And I know from experience that when we fight against stuff, it has a habit of flaring up more and not budging an inch. And the thoughts, labels and inner dialogue that follow just adds fuel to the internal fire, strengthening the emotional aches and pains.

I guess what we resist really does persist.

So maybe try a little bit of acceptance and allowing instead.
See if that makes a difference.

 

in out in out (shake it all about)

It’s becoming clearer.
That there’s a flow.  An order.  A way of being.
A ‘how stuff works’ that was always hidden away, lurking behind worry, fear, doubt, egoic self-preservation and a large dose of cynicism.

  You gotta put stuff out there.

Sounds simple.   But it never has been.
It means stepping up. Being brave. Overcoming inertia. And taking some risks.

The still small inner voice shouted at me.
        “Output!    Output!    Output!    That’s what keeps things flowing in, in, in!”

And it’s also how the stuff that no longer serves you is going to depart, on the breath of your words, creations, pictures, sounds, and actions [or whatever is relevant to you].

A healthy, cathartic removal system that simply relies on mindful action.

Being actively thoughtful and thoughtfully active.
With a little less thought. And a lot more feeling.

Put stuff OUT THERE!

Playful.
Generous.
Creative.
Output.

Whatever comes to mind – or heart – or skin.

And it can be tangible, intangible, or a tangerine.
>>> [again, please insert what’s relevant to you as I’m just talking to my own stuff here.]
Creative projects. Words and pictures. Digital and print.
Voice files and web pages.
Ideas, thoughts, and energies.
Paint and coffee grounds.
And lots of kindness, love, listening, care, service and generous giving of your time, money, gifts, thoughtfulness and attention.

By putting stuff out there you get the flow flowing.
Put out and receive back.
So then you can give even more.

The perpetual loop of universal creativity.

From big bang to cataclysmic collapse to the next radical expansion.
Looping round and around in infinite creative wisdom.

“Output!    Output!    Output!”    (The voice rhythmically keeps on keeping on.)

So do it!

 

(Ok. I Will)

 

 

flow. golden flow.

The Prescription Pad

Go with the flow.
Don’t push and strain.

Hard work gets stuff done for sure.
But it also serves to generate more of the same.

Hard.
Work.

So sniff out the easy path.
The least resisting route.
The smooth journey to the top.
(Wherever on heaven and earth the top may be).

Listen.
Be still.
And, in the still of your heart.
Allow the answers to come.

Getting away from that constant chitter-chatter within will serve you well in this.

And then certainly try not to resist the way the flow is nudging you and cajoling you and willing you on.

Feels scary that way?
For sure it might.
But fear is an illusion.
Sensations and stories and old methods on loop.

You’ve got to break the cycle sometime.
May as well be now.

The natural flow of creation is unstoppable.
Mighty.
Powerful energy that keeps on rolling on and…

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No result.

You can set your intent.
You can make plans.
You can learn techniques and practice skills.
You can do the action.
You can try and try again.

But ultimately, you have no control over the result.

So why do we get so hung up on ‘success’ and ‘failure’?

Are they real? Or just states of imagination and feeling that we conjure up in our search for identity? Are they just a stick we use to measure (and beat) the ego? All washed down with a big dose of fear.

Fear of lack. Of loss. Of separation. Of annihilation.

What if we could be positive, set our intent, act strongly with thankfulness and vigour, and then just let it go. Turning our head away and not even watching to see if the ball crossed the line or not.

How would that affect our ability to act again and again in the same positive manner, without thought of failure or loss that creates self-doubt?

Might it not keep our energy levels higher and our hearts and minds set more brightly on the next task at hand.

It would certainly save a lot of energy, keep us worrying less and smiling more.

Wise man once say…

“First things first.

Sit
Close your eyes
Inhale
Exhale
Stillness”

You can call it meditation if you like. Or just a relaxation technique. It matters not.

What does matter is taking time to be still. Each and every day. Getting away from your incessant thoughts. Reasserting control of the vehicle you’ve living in by taking time to sit. To be. To feel your breath.

It’s been a ‘game changer’ for me. It’s led to many positive changes in mental and physical health and wellbeing. And it’s also the tool that’s given me the confidence to follow my hopes and dreams and start turning them into realities.

That same wise man also said that “there are as many different ways to meditate as there are people on this planet.”

You just try different techniques until you find what works for you.

And do that.

Until it doesn’t work.

Then try something else.

And just keep on going.

Acceptance.

My favourite way to start the day.

Being aware of my breathing. And trying to accept everything, just as it is.

Accepting all physical sensations.
Accepting how I feel emotionally.
Accepting my mental state.
Accepting all the parts of my life, relationships, work, tasks, finances and challenges.

Dwelling on the fact that in this moment, everything IS AS IT IS.
Instead of rushing off into my head and heart, writing stories, creating labels and making judgements.

Just accepting, allowing and being thankful for all that is.

 

Give yourself a break.

So, I’d said I was going to add a new blog post every day. Which I was reminded of today. And of course I haven’t. Which leads to immediate self-recrimination. A mild sense of irritation at failing to even get out of first gear with this new idea to simply open up and just write, publicly, in front of my peers.

I also ticked off hardly any of today’s ‘definitely absolutely gonna do it all’ to-do list. Which generates even more annoyance, and a growing sense of dread that I won’t get everything done before my deadlines, some of which are real, but most of which are a self-created stick with which to beat myself.

And that’s what I do. I set unrealistic standards for myself. And then I don’t meet them.

And this isn’t always about achieving actual tasks. Oh no! It also includes a whole host of intangible goals, such as the quality of my thought processes, emotional responses and human interactions. Stuff that I feel a ‘grown-up’ like me really should have got the hang of by now. But I’m usually missing those by a country mile too.

A wise woman once (or twice) asked of me, “what’s the pay off for doing that?” And in this instance it’s guilt, self-loathing, irritation, fear and a bucket load more of my least favourite things.

So, why do it? Why beat myself moment by moment? Maybe sometimes it does spur me on to achieve more, or to ‘be a better person’. But, more often than not, it just makes me feel crap. Pushes me down. And makes me even less likely to meet those unmeetable standards.

Self-beatings and perpetual worry will not add a single second to your life. And will most likely shorten it. So how about you give yourself a break. Put down the stick, and focus your attention instead on the wonders of each day.

Count blessings.
Smell flowers.
Be patient.
Trust the process.
Laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

And enjoy this life for what it is.

The breath in your body. The energy in your veins. The sensations on your skin. The experience of it all. With these myriad human companions.

Savour this priceless, physical, emotional journey you’re on.
And the unfathomable miracle of just being here, right now, on this planet, in this body.

And please, just take it easy. 

 

Vulnerable.

Many of the best and most important things in my life, the things that I really love, enjoy and satisfy me the most, the days that I remember, burnt into my mind, and all the stuff that’s really helped me grow and changed things in me, my life, my journey… they were all preceded and accompanied by a hearty dose of self-doubt, anxiety or fear. And what felt and often still feels like the real potential for landing on my face, or ass.  Or both.

Going to college. Performing a solo recital. Not going home. Leading the music in a church. Answering telephones for a living. Overseas travels. Changing careers with nothing but a burning desire to do so. Moving around the UK. Clambering up, jumping off and sliding down mountains. Diving deep underwater. Skating too fast. Cycling across countries. Leaving my job, giving away most of my possessions and setting off to become a travelling yoga teacher. ‘Public speaking in my underwear’. Living in a different country. Proposing marriage on ‘day 18’. Becoming a voice-actor. Writing my thoughts and feelings online. Embracing nerve-wracking opportunities and ideas. And saying ‘yes’ to the most valuable friendships, relationships and shared human experiences.

All of it demanded varying degrees of vulnerability.
Letting go.  Being open.  Showing up.  And diving in.

Without that vulnerability, much of it wouldn’t have happened.
And the stuff that did happen wouldn’t have been so fulfilling, so involving, so complete.

So I’ll carry on trying to face my fears and letting my defences down.
And moving my feet in the direction of every dream I have.

On the big stage. In my underwear.

 

Go with the flow.

Things come and go.
Lost and found. Success and failure.
Feels so random.

This is as it is.

You’re learning to just let things go.

And by letting things go you allow the next beautiful thing to come along.

If you get annoyed, upset and fearful at this natural state of change, it serves to block the next good thing that’s naturally flowing your way.

Bear in mind that the natural state of existence is abundant and creative.

So just do the action. Forget about the result. And allow life to simply flow.

Peace. Here and now.

You don’t find peace by getting away from where you are.
You find peace by accepting where you are, who you are, what you are, and what you’re feeling.

And by accepting it all completely.
In this moment. This breath.

Sink into the feelings you’re experiencing.
Go into them.  Through them.  Beneath and beyond them.
Dive deep. Rest in them. Let them be.
Be careful not to push against or judge them harshly.

For example, if you’re feeling anxiety, you’re feeling anxiety.
Don’t start from a place of labelling that knotted nervous centre as ‘wrong’ or ‘less’ or ‘unspiritual’. Do that, and you’ll amplify your discomfort.

Instead, just let it be there.
Knowing that all is valid and true in this moment.
All is part of all that is.
And all is good. To be embraced. Held. Allowed.

You don’t need to ‘fix’ anything.
Instead, dare to love yourself completely.
As you are.

And from there you may begin to discover that much of what you thought was ‘the problem’ was simply your response to the perceived ‘problem’ in the first place.