Revealed.

When something is revealed – feels so clear and bright and life-changing – it is just for that time.

You can’t recreate it the next day.

Don’t try to think it back into the same feeling place.

It had its moment.

Don’t be sad that it isn’t so bright today.

It did its work.

It wasn’t about thought. It was felt. Deep inside.

So back to your practice. Of breath and equanimity. Of all things.

Thicker thinner.

The stuff all around you. That you think is you. But is less you than the deep core of your being… see yesterday’s post! (we’re gonna need to find a word for that i guess  🙂

Sometimes it’s thicker – sometimes thinner.

Sometimes more clear. Maybe right now more murky.

Sometimes noisy – or quiet – buzzy – smooth soft flow – irritating – can be pleasing – or very in your face – drifting to the the background – jabby – ethereal…

It’s all just temporary.

Observe it. you’ll react less.

When it’s really noisy thick heavy crushing physical blinding —- like being deep in the ocean polluted pressuresqueeeezing suffocating wanna just SHOUT SHOUT and run run away tell the whole world to stop…

Yep then.

When it’s superuncomfy, or, in fact, anytime you like… just come to the breath.

That’s the lube – the oil – the protection for your deepcore engine. Stay with that and all of the assorted merriment and mayhem that arises in your consciousness (and unconsciousness) will find safe passage across the surface of the deep.

It might take some time. But that’s ok. Patience is learnt. Breath by tricky breath.

Hey! That noise. The sharp sound that jangled your brain and made irritation wash through your being. Did you notice how it has a trail? A tail? like a comet (ok ok I know they go the other way but for art’s sake…) Anyway… the thing. That you feel. Shock-noises are a good one to observe as they are so quick to alter what you are feeling. Well, as the sound hits short sharp gone. Notice how there’s a residual in your body. The adrenalin pulse. Like the noise stayed in you. And it’s THAT you react to. And if you allow it to irritate and start writing a story, you fuel it. Keep it rolling. And then you’re not in control of it. You give up your CHOICE you see.

But but but… if you can stay present – stay with the breath – observe the sensations – then the fuel is removed – you can observe the sensation land and then flow through and depart. And maybe it even transmutes into a pleasing wave of energy.

Smile.

Doesn’t matter if it does or does not.

The name of the game is to not attach. Not write stories. Not identify SELF with what you feel and experience in the universe of your being.

So, whether thick or thin. Clear or murky.
Quiet or noisy in your head.

Tender or horrid.

Gentle or aggressive.

Your deep inner-self is just not affected. Unless you identify with it all and make it YOU and write a story and blah-di-blah.

Yep. Oil that system. By mindful breathing. In. And. Out.

And soon you’ll know, just know, that you are not that. You are something much much more special.

I look forward to finding out what that is – and then probably realising that that doesn’t even exist either.

Oh.

Bliss.

Anicca.

(yep. that too. just a wave. not permanent. nothing nothing nothing is. don’t cling. just smile and wave as it passes on by. this procession’s gonna run and run and run…)

separate.

I woke this morning to a sense that I was a little more separate – like a shining elongated polished bean – of white yellow shining metallic porcelain otherness – with all my other bits slip sliding around – in orbits and surfing in waves – leaves – layers of crispy flaky pastry – the core untouchable – strong solid immovable – silent and still – yet alive and warm – with all feelings and thoughts and sensations and emotions like leaves and feathers and flakes – shedding and smoothly rumbling around at some distance – and all in a state of flux – constant change – nothing permanent – all moving at different speeds – some feeling more ‘me’ more ingrained more tangible – but none of them actually ‘me’ – not permanent- all the just woke up tiredness and fuzziness and warmth and need and fear and irritation and opinion and impatience and irritation and everything was floating and flaking and moving and shedding like a crusty chrysalis – seed pod of the gods – the central core pure and still – the sensations far out… the reactions to those sensations closer to ‘me’ – and the BREATH acting like lube, keeping everything moving and safely away from the unshakable core.

And I felt more able to be. In the moment. Listening seeing. Without reaction. Without need for anything to be other than it just was and is. Just a gentle sense of warmth and love.

And each person I met. To feel more connection and genuine interest in them.

As they are also me.

let go.

of it all

 

let go… of your need to be right

of your need to be superior

of your self-pity

of your ego

of your need to hold onto this and that

of your need for the meditation to feel a certain way

of your need to feel a certain way

of your need to be heard

of your need to be seen

of your need to be praised

of your need to be loved

of your need to reach a goal

of your need for all things material

of your need to analyse

of your need to think and rationalise

of your need to replay thoughts and words in your head

of your need for others’ pain

of your need for drama

of your need for silence

of your need.

let go of your need.

let go of your fear and craving

let go of your clinging and striving

let go of your need to know – to see – to understand

of your need for answers

of your need for yesterday and tomorrow

let go of your need for pain

let go.

thought the quiet observation of breath and body – all will release

not though strive and try and action – but by moving away from mind.

breathe. in. out. soften.

just as you have let go of land and familiarity – and intoxicants too – letting go is the path to god.   gotta make room. gotta let the old die so the new can be born.

uncomfortable yes.

but the only way.

let go.

align. slow. cleanse. accept.

in between.

pages turn and chapters end – sometimes with nothing more to mark them than a sense of altered space and time and old new subtle feelings of unease and backstage urges – must do must think must try… but no.  the indistinct and undirected feelings and thoughts are a sure sign of inaccurate striving.  and, something even quieter whispers – just be in this moment.  let the journey unfold silently.  that’s the powerful art of trying to not try.  to stop and hold onto the observation of breath.  soft deep in — and long waves out — this is not a moment for grandiose schemes or power-plays.

this time holds magic in its pure simplicity and quiet reflection without overthink or past replay or jump to future story writing.

to be.  and just to be.  that is the answer.  noble and kind.  no one is keeping score.  this day will pass like all the rest and most likely be lost in time with scant memory traces to mark its passing.  so don’t spend it trying to fill a hole in your soul with action that is born of fear or anxiety or any other misplaced emotion.  just hold your loving attention steady.  and feel.  each breath.  distinct.  there is magic aplenty in this breath.  that breath.  and in stillness and simplicity.  and the swooping soaring easing waves of change.  change.  change.  riding the somatic waves of lower chakra being.  to allow upper to release – and the paths of power through spine and mind will open like a spring flower.  bright yellow – orange – into green.  verdant and vibrant.  on natural bare breath.  with fresh blue water of gentle action.  acceptance of every tiny momentary feeling as you observe the natural ebb and flow of your being without judgement, score or measurement.  and most certainly without trying to change or fix or alter or arrest those troublesome feelings.  not attaching thought story recrimination self-harm hurt or hate – or to cling to the wonders of the feelings and emotions of the bright spark joyful tingles – all temporary too – anicca – as nature just is.

is. is. is.

today is not a day of big.
today is a day of small.
quiet. tender. gentle.

in between the pages.  doors open.  in the cracks.  god unfolds.

breathe in. breathe out.

itpog.

(in the presence of god).

Do the things you are feeling right now really matter so much, itpog?

Are those thoughts so important, itpog?

Is that worth getting wound up about, itpog?

Are you in such a rush, itpog?

Do you feel comfortable watching that, itpog?

Are you happy to stop trying or be lazy, itpog?

What are you going to do right now, itpog?