Many of the best and most important things in my life, the things that I really love, enjoy and satisfy me the most, the days that I remember, burnt into my mind, and all the stuff that’s really helped me grow and changed things in me, my life, my journey… they were all preceded and accompanied by a hearty dose of self-doubt, anxiety or fear. And what felt and often still feels like the real potential for landing on my face, or ass. Or both.
Going to college. Performing a solo recital. Not going home. Leading the music in a church. Answering telephones for a living. Overseas travels. Changing careers with nothing but a burning desire to do so. Moving around the UK. Clambering up, jumping off and sliding down mountains. Diving deep underwater. Skating too fast. Cycling across countries. Leaving my job, giving away most of my possessions and setting off to become a travelling yoga teacher. ‘Public speaking in my underwear’. Living in a different country. Proposing marriage on ‘day 18’. Becoming a voice-actor. Writing my thoughts and feelings online. Embracing nerve-wracking opportunities and ideas. And saying ‘yes’ to the most valuable friendships, relationships and shared human experiences.
All of it demanded varying degrees of vulnerability.
Letting go. Being open. Showing up. And diving in.
Without that vulnerability, much of it wouldn’t have happened.
And the stuff that did happen wouldn’t have been so fulfilling, so involving, so complete.
So I’ll carry on trying to face my fears and letting my defences down.
And moving my feet in the direction of every dream I have.