In the past, when confronted with pain, our reaction was to withdraw, run, hide, act out, use, consume, self pity, put up walls, attack others, attack ourselves, wallow, rage, talk and talk, sulk and be silent, embrace addictive habits (mental, physical, emotional), hate the world, seek revenge… and billions more.
Now, as our hearts open we think we might feel less – be more robust – able to float in our spiritual enlightenment above these primitive feelings and methods of protection and escape.
As the heart opens we feel it all more, not less.
The difference now is that we have choices – very uncomfortable choices – but choices nonetheless.
Now we are aware and present, we are not driven 100% by the unconscious and by the ego.
It feels harder now. Because we think we SHOULD be better. And we MUST act in a more SPIRITUAL and ENLIGHTENED way.
But you’re not quite getting it. That’s your ego talking to you again. Putting a layer of recrimination and guilt on top of the already uncomfortable waves you are experiencing.
Sit. Close your eyes. Take some deep full long slow breaths, in and out of your nose – and bring your attention to the sensations and feelings in your body and being.
Accept that they are there.
Relax, and allow yourself to feel them.
Surrender to whatever is present, a little more.
And that includes ALL the feels. All the tears. All the rage. All the all the all the every big and little thing.
And gently move to the heart, away from those spinning thoughts in your head.
Put a little space around what you are feeling.
Breathe. In. Out. Full. Empty. Breathe.